Life towards death
my boss passed away last Sunday.
i cant really describe how i feel now... i only know that i am in low spirit.. and that i miss him terribly. When i glance into his room now, it gives me the kind of feeling as if he is away on holiday.
my stress symptons started to resurface by themselves again... chest pain, lightheadness, loss of appetite, headache, muscle cramps.. etc
i remembered that last time i had these symptons was when my mom was warded in hospital last year. However, i can never forget that period where i was really feeling helpless and very depressed.
Back to my boss, he is the nicest man/boss i can ever find and it is indeed my loss now that he is gone. He was such a caring man. He cares about the amount of stress i can undertake, he guides me in my work, never raised his voice at me before.
i asked myself, if God is being fair to him? but am i in a capacity to judge? i cant right? i am not God.. i prayed for him fervently when he was in hospital that he can have a speedy recovery however, God seems to have other plans for him.
When i received news that he passed away, i was taken back. My prayers didnt work, y? is it cos he is not a Christian? tons of questions flashes across my mind. Then again, i can only pray, the rest is still up to God. In that case, is God being cruel to him? i cant help but asked. I am not angry with God but i am a lil disappointed.
When i saw my boss lying in the coffin, he looked so peaceful.. as if he is sleeping. I never had this kind of opinion about any deceased before (even my own dad). Even when he was wheeled into cremation, i prayed that a miracle will happen. it didnt... i lost a good boss and mentor.
i really miss him... at age 25, i have experienced the death of 3 closed ones and many other more downs in my life. Is this part of the best plan for me? can i say NO???
i read the bible, trying to find comfort in Him. He prompted me to Pslam 4:-
Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ?
Selah
Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself
the LORD will hear when I call to him.
In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Selah
Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD.
Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us,
O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone,
O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
am i losing my focus on Him? is his death more impt than God?
i cant really describe how i feel now... i only know that i am in low spirit.. and that i miss him terribly. When i glance into his room now, it gives me the kind of feeling as if he is away on holiday.
my stress symptons started to resurface by themselves again... chest pain, lightheadness, loss of appetite, headache, muscle cramps.. etc
i remembered that last time i had these symptons was when my mom was warded in hospital last year. However, i can never forget that period where i was really feeling helpless and very depressed.
Back to my boss, he is the nicest man/boss i can ever find and it is indeed my loss now that he is gone. He was such a caring man. He cares about the amount of stress i can undertake, he guides me in my work, never raised his voice at me before.
i asked myself, if God is being fair to him? but am i in a capacity to judge? i cant right? i am not God.. i prayed for him fervently when he was in hospital that he can have a speedy recovery however, God seems to have other plans for him.
When i received news that he passed away, i was taken back. My prayers didnt work, y? is it cos he is not a Christian? tons of questions flashes across my mind. Then again, i can only pray, the rest is still up to God. In that case, is God being cruel to him? i cant help but asked. I am not angry with God but i am a lil disappointed.
When i saw my boss lying in the coffin, he looked so peaceful.. as if he is sleeping. I never had this kind of opinion about any deceased before (even my own dad). Even when he was wheeled into cremation, i prayed that a miracle will happen. it didnt... i lost a good boss and mentor.
i really miss him... at age 25, i have experienced the death of 3 closed ones and many other more downs in my life. Is this part of the best plan for me? can i say NO???
i read the bible, trying to find comfort in Him. He prompted me to Pslam 4:-
Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ?
Selah
Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself
the LORD will hear when I call to him.
In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Selah
Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD.
Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us,
O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone,
O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.
am i losing my focus on Him? is his death more impt than God?
posted by PrEciOuS @ 8:59 am
1 Comments:
At 10:08 am,
A new beginning said…
Hv faith, its not that ur prayers din work. God chooses to answer some prayers and not answer the others, he has a purpose greater than wat we can think of. Thats y we speak of faith, we cant see God (in real life), bt we faithfully 'believe' that his power is there, the power of a creator is not to be underestimated. Trust in him that he has a plan tat u and I cannot fathom at all. I understand how u feel too, cos sometimes i question why God will allow bad things to happen?! I just cannot understand why a loving God would choose to let a bad sitn happen to us...hence i take precautions (over precautious sometimes)...I gave up trying to understand..I just believe, believe that as humans we need bad sitns to mould us, or mould the pple around us..just do it, just take watever that comes in ur way as how Jesus has taken it! Jesus din even question why he has to be the chosen one to die on the cross, he took it in his stride, which I deeply admire..its tough to take things in our stride! So take charge girl and take ur boss's death in ur stride. Father God remove all depression and sadness in Rainbow and replace them with peace, love and gentle spirit. Hold her by ur arms, hide her under your wings and uplift her spirits all the way. In Jesus' name, Amen!
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