God, myself and hammy

I m feeling troubled…

Last nite, it sets me off to thinking if I am on the right track by being “concerned” about my loved ones.

Perhaps, they would be well beta off without my constant naggings on food, nutrition and all. I guess what they need most is not my physical presence.. what do I gain in return for all of this?

I mean, who doesn’t enjoy nice good food? Who enjoys someone being overly obsessed with healthy stuff? Who enjoys having to care for the sick and weak?

BUT does anyone ever put their perspective in my position? Do they know that I yearn for good food too? I yearn for them to recover from their illness too? My deepest and most desired dreams are not of bags, shoes or clothing BUT too see all my loved ones are being cared for and are physically and spiritually healthy.

Do they ever understand? It pains my heart and it disappoints my soul. I wonder if Caleb will behave in the same manner towards my concern on him later on in life. If he does, then should I just leave him alone before he starts to detest and avoid me?

I wanna go … to a far away place… to an island where they is just me… and my deceased hammy.. and of cos God. Only He understands… how and what I m made of…