MY fats

i hate to stand on a weighing scale now... i hate to see anything more than my usual weight.

it has been 6 weeks since i gave birth and the fats do not realy seem to have gone off. my waist has gone up to 30 and my butt at 39!!!!!!! the sight of all my size "S" clothes demoralises me. i hate to see myself in the mirror... i hate to be buying new clothes now in BiggeR sizes.

i wonder when i can shake off all those extra fats... WHEN when WHEN when or NEVER!!!

grace

i got a domestic helper at home now to cope with caleb, the hsehold chores and cooking.

in fact, i dont think i can do w/o her very much since i have to express my milk for caleb every 2 hourly.

my mil had a fall which resulted in a fractured spine a few mths bk and since then my dear spouse has arranged for the maid to visit my mil twice a wk to clean her house. my mil is partially blind.

2 hourly in the evening twice a wk doesnt really sound a BIG deal. however, i get ex irritated when i have to express my milk and caleb kicks a BIG fuss during that time. afterall, my mother who suffered a stroke cannot really help much.

i do not mind the maid gg over to assist my mil previously even when i was pregnant but now i feel very handicap. i wonder if things will change for the beta or worse after i start wk. i can imagine the scenario whereby when i stepped home at 7pm after a long bus journey and b4 i can eat my dinner in peace, my maid has to step out of the hse to attend to my mil's house.

the thought of that really pisses me off BIG time. it will be even worse if caleb doesnt sleep when the time i get off and b4 i can express my milk for him.

i wonder if it is the lack of grace on my end?

though a small and trival matter.. it has certainly been bugging me for the longest time ever...

life's objective

what is the objective of your life? to become someone influential or just a commoner?

i prefer the lattar... making just enuff for my family and most importantly to glorify God.

some can have the luxury of doing what they prefer as an occupation.. some are just like me... down to earth and seeking employment. i do dream of doing what i really like but my finances do not permit me with this prerogative... sadly

i m a desk bound worker from 9am to 6pm... i hate my wk place actually.. full of vipers and their lethal snares... why cant ppl just stay contented even in an office? what is the point of being so high up in the corporate ladder when their hearts are all hardened. does gossiping and passing rumours really make their day? does boot licking really enhances their job orientation?

that being said, my objective has been met though. providing financial stance for my family. does that make me happy? the answer is obvious...

Caleb is growing

time files... it has been 3 weeks of distrupted sleep and handling with cries of a bb at home.

not only has Caleb grown heavier but also longer. well, hope that is an aid for me to lose more weight should i carry him more often.

i have gained 6 kg of fats so far... but too bad.. cant really cut down my intake of food or carry out any exercise since i m still under conFINEment..

TIRED tired...

i m dead tired. my impression of all bbs are adorable have changed drastically.

all bbs look adorable but they are NOT in behaviour. they cry for milk, change of diapers etc....

my eyes resemble that of a panda all cos of caleb. he sleeps soundly in the mrg and afternoon but when nite falls, the owl is wide awake. i wonder what he is looking at when the entire room seems so dark.

even a change of diaper for caleb in the nite can wake the entire troop of army up. his cries are so pathetic as if he keana deprived of milk for 3 days.

i wanted 3 kids.. BUT now... i tink caleb is ENUFF!!! i cant imagine repeating the nite shift routine for anor 2 child for now. i wanna my beauty sleep and rest.

ever since i was discharged from hospital, i haven had a gd nite's rest and even on one of 2 occasions where i had, i will have to put up with the grievences of my hus who caters to caleb's needs during the nite.

to be honest, even catering to his needs during the day is tiring enuff, let alone at nite where our body require sleep and rest.

was just wondering if it will be too much to pray that Caleb sleeps rite thru the nite and wakes up just in the mrg for his feed? afterall, why does he need so much food in his lil tummy when he does nothing v much at nite?

well oh well... i tink by the end of all this... i need beauty treatment!!!

the task of looking after a bb

i used to tink that ALL babies are so adorable until i had my own recently.

my caleb darling wakes up twice nitely to be fed and changed. both my hus and myself are both physically and mentally exhausted.

i yearn for old days whereby i can sleep to my heart's content and go shopping at my leisure. now... its no longer possible with loud cries of a bb and the addition of diapers, milk, etc etc etc

parenthood is indeed tough.

now i finalyl realised that pregnancy is MUCH easier than parenthood.

Lord, i pray for your strength and wisdom in me to go thru parenthood at ease and in walk with Your word.